00:00:00.000 - 00:00:38.000

Okay, well yes, we're on. Thank you, Brett. Okay, now I have here as guest of owner tonight, Athena, and it's great to have you here Athena. Now would you be able to describe for us your disability? Can I just first say it's really cool to be here tonight and to share with you my story. I looked at my medical records today and apparently I've got spastic quadriplegia

00:00:38.000 - 00:01:18.000

and cerebral palsy. What that means in late terms is that cerebral palsy is like a part of brain damage that controls both my legs and left arm. And I quite at when I was 9 months of age when I had my first and only convulsion. And my sister who is 13 months older than I also has cerebral palsy due to a lack of oxygen when she was born. So there are two of us

00:01:18.000 - 00:01:59.000

in the one family. Can you tell us a bit about what it was like growing up with a disability? Sure. For the first 15 years of my life I experienced the only life that I knew and it was within what I call the medical model world. And in that world I was constantly bombarded with physiotherapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, doctor's appointments, hospitals.

00:01:59.000 - 00:02:36.000

So in this environment I was always the one that received the help. Never the one encouraged me to contribute back to my community. I also grew up in a Greek type culture which was filled a lot with superstition with unhealthy theological assumptions on disability issues. So misinformed relatives had told my parents, I'm just going to turn around just a little bit

00:02:36.000 - 00:03:14.000

more if I can say everybody. Misinformed relatives told my parents that the reason why they had to disabled daughters was because they had been sinful. And God was punishing them because of something they had done. Now I can't imagine what that would have done to my parents. For many years my mom and my dad always searched for a cure for the cerebral palsy and we were

00:03:14.000 - 00:03:50.000

taken to a lot of priests, a lot of healers, a lot of quacks. My mom also visited a witch in the same year that I had become a Christian and that's when I said no I'm not coming to see this woman. And we saw a lot of doctors and it was in 1980 when I was at the age of 12 where my mom had heard of this doctor in San Francisco. So when we went to Greece in 1980

00:03:50.000 - 00:04:26.000

we stopped by to see this doctor, my mom really wanted him to see both my sister and maybe he had a cure. And I can remember sitting in the doctor's office after all I had done all these numerous tests to see whether they could fix me. I remember sitting there with my mom and dad and seeing that for the first time seeing what a disappointment I must have been to my mom and dad for them

00:04:26.000 - 00:05:06.000

to hear the doctor say there isn't a lot that we can do for a thing. In fact as she gets older she will get worse. So I took that significant experience internalized it and thought I'm not good enough, I have to be fixed. I wasn't normal like all my other cousins. So coupled those two together I formulated my two world theory. And in my two world theory

00:05:06.000 - 00:05:38.000

there was me in one world over here and the other world where there were no people with no disabilities. In my world there were people who made all the decisions for me, medical people. In this world had control over my world as well. And I thought by walking and running and holding similar thoughts to people in the other world was what gave you

00:05:38.000 - 00:06:24.000

permission to be part of the community. Even to be in the Christian community. Well you said you became a Christian. Can you tell us when that happened? How and how it affected you? In 1982 I was given a book to read. A story about Johnny Eric's and Tata. Now I can a lot of you know about history. Now what this story did for me was kind of bridge

00:06:24.000 - 00:06:56.000

the gap between my two worlds because all of a sudden he was this woman from the other world who after becoming quadriplegic at the age of 17 entered my world. She was using my language. She was using experiencing the same things that I had experienced. And she made me realize three things. She made me realize that God used her story to make

00:06:56.000 - 00:07:28.000

me see that he loved me and that he accepts me just the way I am. I don't have to act or be someone else. And two, that God has a purpose for my life and he has meaning for my life despite my disability. And three, God helped me to think about disability and suffering and brokenness and how it fits within his big plan. And I've had time

00:07:28.000 - 00:07:57.000

to really think about those issues. It's great to hear that I know that book had a great impact on me as growing up and obviously on others and it's great to hear how it affected you. Can you tell us a bit how knowing Jesus helps to acknowledge the struggle that you live with and the brokenness that you live with every day?

00:07:57.000 - 00:08:31.000

Coupled with living within the medical model world and in my upbringing I always had a sense of a sense of parallelism, helplessness. And I couldn't shake the feelings of guilt and shame. And the feeling that I had to be fixed, the feeling that I wasn't normal, the feeling that I wasn't good enough, I really struggled with my HSA. I didn't think

00:08:31.000 - 00:08:58.000

I was good enough to go to a normal school and do my HSA. I struggled with the fact that I went to uni. I never thought I was good enough to go to uni. I thought you had to be super intelligent. That went out the window. So I always had this feeling that I could never shake off. And it was only just

00:08:58.000 - 00:09:31.000

four years ago that I had been diagnosed with a depressive illness and an anxiety, a general anxiety disorder. Now, as much as I hate labels, what these labels did for me was give me some relief and help me see that's why I struggled so much. Help me put things into perspective. And I had the anxiety would overtake my life

00:09:31.000 - 00:09:57.000

and I would have irrational thoughts. And as irrational as they were, they were so real in my head. And in one area that it has affected me has been in driving. It has taken me 10 years to get my L's because I could never shake off the fear of taking control of my own choices. Because when you're in the car, what are you doing?

00:09:57.000 - 00:10:21.000

You're making choices all the time. And I would go into anxiety. It takes every time I had to drive somewhere new than not before. I thought the road is just going to open up and I'm going to fall into it. And I struggled with that thought for many, many years.

00:10:21.000 - 00:10:51.000

But now I'm driving and I love driving and I enjoy driving. And sometimes I still get the anxiety but I know where that's coming from now. But let me just say one thing is the mental illness that I had been suffering is more disabling than the cerebral palsy. You know, the cerebral palsy,

00:10:51.000 - 00:11:15.000

I can work out how to do things practically, physically. But it was the mental part that I really, really struggled with and really come to acknowledge. And I think once you acknowledge, Jesus wants us to come to Him to acknowledge every part of us, holy, the whole of us.

00:11:15.000 - 00:11:49.000

And this has been a really big step for me to, and a new level of trust in Jesus. And when I think about it, when I think about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, words like, just read out the words, in the Bible, Jesus' emotions are described as troubled, deeply distressed, anguished,

00:11:49.000 - 00:12:12.000

and overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death I have felt bad. And to read these words that Jesus felt gives me great confidence that I can come to Him and know that He knows. He knows that He knows exactly what I'm going through.

00:12:12.000 - 00:12:39.000

And that's one way that helps me deal with every day. Thanks, Athena. This is wonderful to hear you telling us about this and how it really does affect your life every day. Can you tell us about any other ways that God's grace affects your life?

00:12:39.000 - 00:13:16.000

God has trained me so much grace by the people that He brings into my life with patience, with forgiveness, and understanding. And also another way He has shown grace to me is that He is actually using what I've got, whether it's good enough in my head or not, to help other people.

00:13:16.000 - 00:13:43.000

I am now CEO of Aquila Vision Limited, which is an organization that goes and encourages people with disabilities and also provides training. And I feel God's grace on me on there because He's using all the parts of my life that I've struggled with and to be able to do what I'm doing.

00:13:43.000 - 00:14:09.000

So that's God's grace there as well. And other ways has been also in my gift of writing songs and writing poetry. And that's been a great grace for me to keep me, to help me each day. And four weeks ago, sadly, one of my dear friends died of breast cancer.

00:14:09.000 - 00:14:27.000

And I was able to sing to her a song that I had written back in 1992 and God was comforting me for a very difficult time. And I was able to sing that to her before she died. And it was a comfort to her.

00:14:27.000 - 00:14:53.000

So He does use our weaknesses and our brokenness to know how to reach out to other people. Thank you. Athena said that I could be Andrew Denton to interview her. But I don't think I needed to be Andrew Denton because you've shared so openly with us

00:14:53.000 - 00:15:04.000

about your life and your experiences of how God has used, as you said, your weaknesses and your brokenness and such an encouragement to us. So thank you very much indeed. Now, Athena will be around over the weekend.

00:15:04.000 - 00:15:16.000

So I'm sure you'll be happy to have a chance with people from around, yeah. Okay, and hear more of her story as well and be encouraged that have been great. Thanks very much. Let's thank Athena.

00:15:16.000 - 00:15:22.000

[Applause] Thanks.